There is an image inside my head that I want to be. There are so many pressures from out culture, our world, and even the small communities in which we live in to be a certain person or to only act a certain way. It’s stressful trying to keep up with it all. You have to guard your heart against the people around you and you can’t wear your heart on your sleeve, which is what I want to do. I want to wear my heart on my sleeve and just be who I am and not what society has declared appropriate or what kind of a mold we should all fit into.
I would like to think that I could just let all of it go. To forget what everyone else is thinking, doing, or saying and to just be me, but let’s be real honest: how many people actually do such a thing? How many times do I cave to peer pressure just to keep the image up of who everyone else wants me to be? Don’t get me wrong I want some of the same things too, but at times I feel like it is for such different reasons.
I’m still trying to figure out what I’m good at; what I’m useful for. But I ultimately don’t decide that. He does. By living in this society, I have the tendency of having to control everything. I tend to get in the way and make a mess of things. Thankfully in my weakness, he is made strong. In my brokenness, my Savior makes me complete in Him.
At twenty years old, I feel like I should know what I want and what I want to do. But at twenty years old are you supposed to have it all figured out? At thirty-five are you supposed to have it all figured out? What’s the magical age or magical concoction? I don’t think that there is an answer to that. I think that’s the beauty of life: not knowing. Being able to be completely vulnerable and letting the Lord take over. To say, “Lord, I surrender. Here I am, your servant, use me.” And the journey of life = figuring out the answers to those questions and trusting that the Lord’s timing is perfect. Society has just pressured us into having all the right answers when that’s impossible. For who really knows what’s going to happen tomorrow?
So many times I feel like a drop in the ocean, but the Lord is there to pick me out in the midst of this crazy world and make me His own.

In one of my classes, Formation of Christian Ministry, we get to read this book called Strength Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath. After taking a quiz online, they tell you what your top five strengths are out of 34. Here are my top five (These explanations were taken from the book):

#1 DISCIPLINE-
Chances are good that you sometimes put much effort into keeping areas neat and shipshape.
When others notice or appreciate your ability, you might be a bit more motivated to maintain
a high level of tidiness. Because of your strengths, you may be happier with your own life
when acquaintances and friends acknowledge your exceptionally mature behavior. Perhaps
they count on you to handle important as well as mundane tasks. Some people automatically
trust you. Driven by your talents, you impose structure on your day to ensure every
task is accomplished. You are comforted by the familiarity of patterned and repetitious
processes as well as your habits. You like to be clear about what each day promises before it
begins. Your orderliness keeps chaos at a distance.

#2 COMMUNICATION-
Driven by your talents, you periodically initiate conversations. Your talkative nature may
permit you to say whatever is on your mind. To some extent, you are blessed with an ability
to talk informally and persuasively. You might feel at ease talking in front of certain
audiences or individuals. Few activities delight you as much as evoking images in your listeners’ minds that bring forth laughter and tears. Instinctively, you have a gift for engaging people in group conversations.You also are an active participant. Your upbeat attitude energizes the dialogue. You acknowledge the ideas people share. You reinforce the value of what they say. Consequently,many people become even more willing to reveal their thoughts and feelings. By nature, you occasionally marvel at your ability to vividly express your thoughts and feelings.

#3- DEVELOPER-
It’s very likely that you can sometimes place the needs of others ahead of your own. Driven
by your talents, you might be enthused about being declared “number one” or the best. You have a knack for inspiring people. They sense that you areaware of their feelings, thoughts, and needs. They probably feel better about themselves whenyou are with them. Instinctively, you sometimes enjoy activities involving children. Perhapsthey make you feel younger, or challenge you to see problems, people, or opportunitiesthrough their innocent eyes. Maybe you are fascinated by their natural curiosity about theworld and everything in it. Chances are good that you may want the youngsters with whomyou interact to enjoy your company. Perhaps your gift for helping, teaching, or playing with children sets you apart from other adults.

#4 HARMONY-
By nature, you sometimes find specialists who can guide you toward the right solutions. You
may feel hopeful and happy about life when you are not expected to know all the answers.
Driven by your talents, you might consistently put forth effort to be the best or to finish first. Because of your strengths, you sometimes notice your quality of life improves when people appreciate your good-natured, even-tempered personality. Chances are good that you occasionally infuse a spirit of friendliness into your work or study groups. Your personal warmth and congenial disposition may cause others to be a bit kinder or more generous. Some people find it is easier to collaborate with their teammates or classmates if you are involved. It’s very likely that you may get people to like you by finding something everyone can agree on. Perhaps this is one way you reduce conflict between yourself and others.

#5 INDIVIDUALIZATION-
Because of your strengths, you may want to offer your assistance to people. Sometimes,
however, you struggle to find the words to tell them you are willing to lend a helping hand.
By nature, you occasionally promise yourself to do certain things better in the future. Perhaps
you study the linkages between final outcomes and the factors leading up to them. As a result,
you may identify a few enhancements you need to make in yourself, in someone else, in a
process, or in a plan. Chances are good that you sometimes come to the aid of people who
share your desire to do specific tasks as precisely and accurately as possible. It’s very likely
that you now and then delight in helping people.

Do they describe me well? Has any one else taken the test? What were your strengths?

Summer

This summer I took on the job of nannying for 3 families. The kids were wonderful and I loved my job. We had a blast watching every kid's television show under the sun (my personal favorites: max and ruby, super why, and dora), playing every game imaginable, eating mac-n-cheese and popcicles, and drawing their favorite charcters from the movies. It was busy and taught me how to be patient and flexible because it wasn't all fun and games. There were definitely many temper tantrums, arguments, spit up, and dirty diapers. I've seen it all. Not sure how many things will be "new" to me when I hit motherhood, which is a good thing. :)

Then a couple days ago my family took a trip to the beach for a week. It was perfect. A good end to my summer.








Now, onto packing up my life again and starting my junior year at Samford. I am excited this year because I feel like it's something comfortable now and something that I can call my second home. Another reason I am super pumped about this year is that there a few incoming freshmen from Clarksville that are going to Samford. I hope they love it as much as I do.

I am back at school for a Jan-Term. First week down and have already had a test and have another one on Monday. I am taking an Aerobics class and Music Appreciation. Should be easy enough. Just boring. All of Samford is quiet. There is no one there, which means no lines in the cafereria, but there's not as much to do. I just want the normal semester to start so that can take the classes that I like: Spanish. Although, my semester doesn't look bad: Intercultural Communications, Spanish, Intro to World Religion, and Cultural Perspectives (it's like a history and lit class).

The best part of Jan Term is that I started my internship at the village. I am just learning what all is going on there and what I am going to do, but it's been a fun three days down there. They are being really flexible and are letting me choose where I want to work and what I can do. I can't wait to see what God has in store.

Yesterday I discovered a new part of Birmingham, historic Highland Avenue and a new resteraunt, Rojo. If you know me, you know that I love Mexican food, so I was pumped about this place. Since it was an evening of new things, I decided to try something that I had been meaning to try for a long time: fish tacos. Blackend Talapia Tacos to be exact. They were amazing. If you like fish and like Mexican food then this is the jackpot. Thanks to Ron and Jeremy, I have found a new love of exploring the cities I find myself in.

Then, Jeremy and Cheryl came down to Birmingham today. They got here around noon and we went and ate at my favorite sandwich and salad cafe, Newk's. Cheryl went shopping at the Summit and we are watching the Titans game. It's going to be a good weekend.